Video: The Platoon of Power Squadron-Part II: Jobs
Narrator: Previously on the Platoon of Power Squadron -There's certain things about me that aren't quite like normal people. -Oh yeah -Powers! -YEAH! DONALD: No one else can do these things. -Our superpowers? They're useless. DONALD: They're not useless. I-I think we can do more with 'em. NARRATOR: And now, Hypothesis the Second. [Unintelligible, echoey voices] [Radio Music] -Can I help you? -I was just looking- For, uh- -There it is. JONAS: Thing you gotta be careful about, is people who stare at you.
JONAS: People like us have to be especially careful about strangers who are too interested in us. -People like us? Middle-class caucasian people in their twenties? -You know what I'm talkin' about, Princess. People who stare are an automatic red flag because, historically speaking, they are either a crackpot scientist, government agents, or reporters. Which means that they want you for either lab experiments, weapons research, or international exposure. -What? -Bad times, Kid. Bad times. As people with superpowers, it's like, our job to blend in. We need to stay off the radar. [Radio music overshadowed by tense thematic music] [Introductory Music] [Typing] -[Quiet singing] -Uh, 'scuse me. Do you work here? -Yeah! Look, check it out.
-Um, you mind if we look up a title on the computer? -Sure! Right this way. -Ready! -Great! Lookin' for a book: "Natural…" "Poisons." [Guitar Music] -People like use aren't supposed to sit idly on the sidelines. We're supposed to get involved! Stop crimes! It's like our job. -Where do we find the crimes? -How the hell should I know? That's why we have to be ever-watchful. I'm not saying we have to go jumping at shadows or anything, but you can't be a vigilante without first being vigilante-y… …ish. We just need to be on the lookout for people who are up to no good. -"Natural Poisons." -Yeaaahhhh, we don't have that book. -Shoot. -Anything else? -Yeah! Do you guys have any of those "Harry Potter" books? Used, preferably? -Yeah. Yeah, I'll show you.
-All right. Oh, um, looking for another couple books, too. Let's see: Looking for, "Caging Kids," "Planning for a Murder," and, uh, "Making Kids Bleed." -Uuummm. -I figure they'll all be in the same section, I – 's – couldn't find it. -Yeah, uh, I don't think we have that section. -Shoot. Y'know, I've been having the hardest time finding these books. -Weird. -All right, well, hey, Thanks for for looking, and I will be back for those "Potters." -Looking forward to that. -Are you okay? -I'm fine. H- How are you? [Dialing, Ringing] -Hello? -I've got one. -One what? Who is this? Mom? -A bad guy. Got a lead on a bad guy. -Sebastian! -Yeah. -What kind of bad guy? -The kind that is up to no good. -Yeah, I kinda figured that. What kind of bad are talking about here? -Like, on a scale? -Okay, you're going out of your way to misunderstand me, now. -I'm confused.
-You think you found a bad guy. -Yeah. -What bad thing do you think he's doing? -I think . . . -Okay . . . -This guy . . . -Doing good. -Is murdering children. -Whoa, so REALLY bad guy! -Yeah, that's what I'm saying! I got Fox 3 on his tail right now. -No way! You have your own superhero maneuver: The Fox Tail! -I love it. DONALD: All right, let's talk about this later at the apartment, tonight. But don't tell Virginia or Jonas; they'll probably make us call the police or something. -Okay. -Okay, I'm hiding in the bathroom at work right now. So, I'd better get back before they miss me. But it's finally happening! We're gonna unleash the awesome power that's inside of us. Bye! [Mexican-American Themed Music] -Tacos are delicious! Take if from me, the Taco Bear! Tacos and Karate: TWO international disciplines. One bear. ¡Delicioso! Why? [New radio music] [Quickly replaced by tense music] -'Scuse me- -What?! -I was wondering if these needles would be sufficient for knitting something out of this yarn? -Those are crochet hooks.
Who sent you? -These are crochet hooks? -I'm just a normal girl. What do you want? -I just wanna fashion a shawl out of this yarn. -Shawl?! Who are you, man? -I'm a craftsperson! -Don't play with me, "Mister Shawl!" You're a craftsperson like I'm a tough guy! But if you need me to threaten the truth out of you, believe this: I'm down. -What? -Tell me who sent you, or I'll use those crochet hooks to crochet you a shawl of pain, out of your . . . beard! -Wow. -TALK! -Allright, I'm not here for yarn; you got me! -What'd I even go to college for? I stand outside a taco stand all day in a bear costume. -Man, these "Lost" forums are ROUGH. If you haven't read, like, every post before you make a comment, these bastards descend on you like a ffff- s- smoke monster. -So we're talking about "Lost" now. -Look, this guy, "theoceanic7th," He basically shower-shanks me for my comment, and then tries to "LoL" it off! It's like, "Oh, excuse me, sir, while I use my freaky mind powers to render you impotent." -Is my conversation based in reality interfering with your internet pissing contest? -I heard you, okay? "Tribulations of the Taco Bear?" With the economy being the way it is, you're lucky that tacos still need bears to represent them.
-No, dude, I know. But this job has shown me some pretty rank realities. There's a darkness inside people. A darkness that manifests itself when they see someone in an animal costume. There's this guy that comes in all the time . . . doesn't even buy a taco. Dude is sick! -Taco! Taco. Tacooo. -Leave me alone! -Taco! -Go away! -Taaaccoooo! -Sick. Look at us man, we're almost thirty. -I'm only twenty-eight. -That's almost thirty. I know people who are getting married, making babies. All I'm making is this sandwich. We don't even have real jobs. -Hey! I go to a place for a designated period of time, serve the public, for which I'm compensated in the form of money. It's called a real job. -You work in a comic book store. -I LIKE working in a comic book store.
-There's gotta be something about it that you hate. -Well, there is this one guy, McTryck. He lives like, right next to the store, so he's always there. He just comes in to argue! About nothing. -Wolverine's a lone wolf by nature. Why would he ever be part of a team operation like the X-Men, anyway? It doesn't make any sense. -Even a lone wolf wants to be part of something sometimes, McTryck. It's a lonely life. -Did you just call Wolverine "The Lonely Wolf?" -Why don't you check the mythologies for a second, all right? Over the years, Wolverine served with the Military, the CIA, Team X, the X-Men. Only time dude spends alone is in the bathroom! Surprised he didn't join the Canadian Mounties. -What? -Just fightin' to fight. -I just think we have so much potential. What're we doing with it? -Wanna order a pizza? -Just made a sandwich.
-You wanna order a pizza? -Yeah. [DOOR CLOSES] -Put it on your card, I'll get cash. -Did you get her back? -Yeah, she's right . . . here. -What'd she see? Is he a bad guy? -Yeah. When he opened the door to his apartment, there was all types of crazy screaming. -Screaming? -Yeah. Soft, but it was definitely coming from his place. -Good Gravy McGraw. -I know. AND, he wanted all sorts of crazy book titles, like "Making Kids Bleed." -Shh. VIRGINIA: Jonas?! VIRGINIA: Jonas?! -Yeah? What? What'd I do? -You had me acting like a lunatic! -Apparently! -The only reason someone would be staring at us would be if they wanted to exploit us? -What? -That's the only reason you can think of? -I've a friend who shops here. -What did your friend see? -She said that you were cute. And single. -What? -She didn't mention anything about the paranoid rage, but she was right about the cute. I've been hangin' around, trying to muster up the courage to ask you out.
-Oh. You had me so worked up, it never even crossed my mind he might be checking me out. -Oh. -You had me so busy thinking about my "powers" that I forgot I was cute. -So you have a date? -Yes. Tomorrow night, thank you very much. Are you sure you wanna risk it? 'Mean, a lot of these guys you've been seeing lately are really– -Quit psyching me out, psychic! -I'm sick of feeling like a prisoner, I just wanna feel normal! And pretty. Stay out of my head. -Okay, we need a plan. -Let's go get him! -Hold on, Jonas is ordering pizza. -Ooohh! -Yeah, we're gonna have to get him tomorrow morning. -Okay, tomorrow morning. -Tomorrow morning. [Crackling of Electricity] -Ow. [Transitional Music] -Spike! SPIKE: I've got my pants on. -What? SPIKE: You said I could read the Manga if I kept my pants on! -Are your pants zipped? -They're not, but it's completely unrelated. I must've been walking around like this all day. SPIKE: Well, it sounds to me like you should've asked this girl out a long time ago.
JONAS: Great. You're saying I missed my window. -Nah, not necessarily. Could just be a date. Girls go out on dates all the time, doesn't mean anything. Hell, a girl will go out on a date with a guy she has NO interest in just so she has an excuse to get all dolled up and get out of the house. -Plus, she gets free food. -Ahh, not if you play it right. See, what you do is you wait for the check to come and pull the old "I Forgot My Wallet at Home Switcheroo." Either she brought some money, means she's progressive, prepared, or she didn't bring any money, and you have to skip out on the bill together. That shared adventure can be the start of a bond between thrill-seekers, and that's hot. -So, how many ladies have you been out with, Spike? -What th- this week? -Sure! -Oh, none. I really don't go out very often. This is pretty much all conjecture.
But I read a lot of chick-lit. It's the same as going out, without any of the warmth of physical human contact. But if the date goes well, and they do end up getting married– -What? -No, no. Twenty, thirty years down the road, he could end up dead. BOOM! Second chance. So I wouldn't worry about not getting in there first. MCTRYCK: Tell me Jonas, how is it you know everything about comics, and not a thing about women. -Mc Trick. -It's McTryck. -When did you get here? I didn't see you come in. -Hello, ANDY. -It's Spike, LAWRENCE. -I don't know how they do things in your T-Ball League, but in the grownup world, you don't get to pick your own nickname. -Just pay for the book and get out of here. [Sounds of a cash register: beeping, dinging, and the crinkle of paper bills] -Take it from a married– from a married man, boys. Real women are a far more intriguing mystery than anything your going to find all these walls. These fictions may be your whole lives, but to me, they're just an enjoyable entertainment, while I pass the time, when my wife is wearing clothes.
You might understand one day, but, um, probably not. -What a jag-hole. -No joke. -Someone needs to shut that guy down. [New Music] -Good luck reading that comic with your brain turned off. DONALD: Is that it? SEBASTIAN: That's it. How should we do this? -I figure we'll knock, I'll lay him out, two of yous keep him under control, and I'll go rescue whatever kids are in cages in there. -Sounds good. -We need to do this ALL the time. If we start crime fighting regularly, it's gonna make the taco stand so much more bearable. -BEAR-able? -Don't. [Knocking] -It's funny. I feel both nervous AND excited right now. This must be what a girl scout feels like when she sells her first box of cookies. I got butterflies in my stomach just- [Door creaking open] [Sounds of struggle] -You're kid-killing days are over, pal.
-What?! [Alternating jarring sounds and animal sounds] -What? -I've no idea what you're talking about! -Did you find them? -It's all animals! -Animals? -Where're the children? -What children? -The children you've been putting in cages and killing? -I would never do that. I've been trying to tell you! -What about all the books you were trying to order? -Books? They're all about animals! -"Natural Poisons?" -We have a lot of snakes! I wanted to make sure we had all the antidotes on hand. -"Caging Kids?" -Kids. Baby goats. -"Making Kids Bleed." -Yeah, you've been ABUSING the goats! -"Bleat," NOT "bleed!" We have a traveling petting zoo. The kids like to hear the goats go, "bwaaahh!" "Making Kids BLEAT!" -There is no way there's a book by that title. -I was hoping . . . -"Planning for a Murder!" -Yeah! -We're getting a group of crows in. A group of crows is called a "murder." A herd of cows, a MURDER of crows..
. I want to make sure I'm ready for when they arrive! "Planning for a Murder!" -As if these books exist? -What am I supposed to do? I wanna take care of these animals! -A quick Google search and this whole thing could have been avoided, dude. Sorry about the mix-up. Let's get out of here. [Same Mexican-American Music] -So what do bears have to do with tacos? -What? Oh, um, bears are HUNGRY! Hungry for tacos! Take it from the taco bear. -Woah, this is a really humiliating job. -I'm not having what you'd call a "victory" kind of day, so why don't you just mosey? -Did you even go to college? -It is taking every ounce of my self-control not to destroy you. Why don't you take that hike? -Your mother must be so proud! -Eat voltage, kid! [Mechanical charging and electrical crackling] If you're not gonna buy a taco, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, please.
Please don't let me lose it and electrocute somebody today. -TACO! [Punch] [Dramatic Music] VIRGINIA: And the squirrel TOTALLY ran after it. [Laughter] This is really nice. I'm having a really good time. -Yeah, me too. -I don't get out that much, so, thank you. -You know, that reminds me of something. One time I was out with the TOTAL tease. I mean she was really up for it, y'know. Bodies like that don't have a "slow" setting, but then, when it comes down to go time it's like tagged out at second base! I mean, what– Just water. Water's fine. Walk away. Wha-What was I just saying? -I'm not sure . . . -Oh, just water, for now. Thank you. Very much. -Were your eyes just glowing? -Maybe.
They're new contacts. They help me read . . . menus . . . in the dark. They're Japanese. Good? Thank you. -To me, the best relationships are like hostage situations. -And I said, "I wouldn't care if you made out with MY mother!" Double standard? I think so. I put a guy in the hospital once, but he was foreign, so I'm not so sure that counts. I mean, how about this whole "date rape" thing. Is that wild, or what? Can I get you another drink? -Your nose is bleeding. [Depressing Music] FRIGHTENED FEMALE VOICE: Help! [Sounds of struggling] MUGGER 1: Just gimme the purse! MUGGER 1: Gimme the purse! MUGGER 1: Gimme the purse! -Hey! -Help! -Shut up! -Hey, guys, let her go, huh? -Hey man, get out of here, would'ja? -Yeah, would you take a hike? We were here first. -If you don't let her go, I'm gonna have to . . . beat you up. So . . . -You have two seconds to get out of here. One..
. -Two! You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do this. -Just go take care of him? [Charging sound, which suddenly cancels] [Punch] -Bullseye! [Punch] -Run! -Bam! Sucker punch! -You shoulda' minded your own business. -Thi-lrg is-ggh my business! [Electrical arcing sounds] -What? -Okay. [Intermittent crackling] -Oh, man. [Action music picks up in intensity] [Heavy breathing] [Electrical arcing] -Yeah! Crime fighter. Yeah. Hey. Hey, bad guy. Dude. -Oh, God. Come on, come on man. Oh, God. [Coughing] -Hey! Hey! Don't do crime! JONAS: Destiny. Triple word score – suck it! -That's, like, 900 points! I give up. -You're going to give up, and be called a quitter for the rest of your life? -Yeah. -How was your date? -Awesome. It was the best date ever. I don't wanna talk about it.
-Are you gonna get married? -Yup. -Well that's great. I'm glad that worked out for you two kids. [DOOR SLAMS] -So I'm a superhero. I just stopped a mugging. JONAS: What? -That is just . . . perfect. -Yeah, I was all, "Bam!" And they were all, "Wheugh!" -For real-real! -For realsies. I shocked a guy so hard, he died. I'm gonna go lay down. -He died? -Don't worry, I brought him back. -Oh, that reminds me. -Oh my God. What happened? -Look who decided to get up. -How long have I been here like this? -Since before I got home, lazy-ass. -Did you even check on me? -What for? [End Credits Music] Subtitles by Joshua Macrow.