Video: CRASH ZOOM – Firing Squad
Freeze Dr Meowmers! You'll never take me alive! Oh I'm not taking A life. I'm taking all nine of them! Because you're a cat. Ah that makes total sense! Crunchy Kitty Cat Food. It's Purr-licious Written and Directed by Ben Dexter Well? You're fired! Wha? (Slide Whistle) Wow, what a great slide whistle! I'll take them all! I'M RICH! You got fired again? BEN! I understand completely. You are a great film-maker who was too good for that job anyway. Also I will pay your half of the rent now.
Wait, what is this script for? Shh, keep going, this is great! Hold on, did you really get fired? Uh, actually the line is "Oh no, a giant bee! I'll fight it with kung-fu!" Ben, you really need to stop turning every job into an action movie! Hey! I'm a film-maker, it's what I do! Also I don't turn everything into an action movie. Oh yeah? What about that nature documentary? Haha, oh yeah! I wonder how those guys are doing these days? Look, you can come and work with me until you find a new job. WA-HOO! FREE JOB! I'm a bee. New Vegan Burgers – Made From Real Vegans Well, this is where I work. Wait, you work in retail? I thought you were an animator? Heh heh heh, yeah I am. Groan. Oh boy! A laser gun! Pew Pew Pew! Argh! The laser! It made me blind! And also racist! Ben! What did you do? Hahaha, just kidding, I was already blind. You guys better not be black. Look, just stay in here and try not to get me fired, yeah? One alcohol pwease! No.
Pwease I need alcohol! NO! I just wanna dwink to forget about my howwible deformity! (Cries) Attention Customers, or should I say, Contestants! Oh no. The last of you to survive will win the ultimate prize – The Soupon! What's a Soupon? It's a coupon – for soup! Ben. People aren't going to fight to the death over-Aah! FOR SOUP! Help me! I don't want to die over slightly discounted soup! I'm dying! Tell my wife… tell my wife… Tell her what? Tell her I'm dying. Oh. Hello? Err, hey, your husband wanted me to tell you that he's dying? YAY! HEY KIDS! DADDY'S DEAD! YAAY! How'd they take it? They're… sad. Hehe, wow, this is great footage! I am so fired. Don't worry, I have an idea! YOU CAN'T FIRE US! WE QUIT! Ok.
Whoops. BEN! Haha, joke's on you! I've got the Soupon! Urgh, Ben, this expired last year! And you wrote this yourself! Hey, get your own dumpster! Great work Ben. How are we going to pay our rent now? Hey, I'm a film-maker! I've got money. Sigh, least we have our savings. But we need money. It's my birthday soon and I want magical demon skull. Kate, you got a magical demon skull last year. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I want another one. Sigh, I guess I could sell this priceless heirloom. The Rose Kazoo. It's been in our family for- Ooh, can I have a go? Ben, you are so- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Oh. Well. Time to go hunting. For a job Ben. (Song: Russian Slamdance) Well, this is the last job available. GASP! SCIENCE LABRADOR! No. It says Science Laboratory. Aww. GASP! SCIENCE LABRADOR! No. That's the Science Lab-Door. Aww.
Hello. GASP! SCIENCE LABRADOR! NO. That's- Oh. I'm over here. Are you here about the job. Oh, err, yes. Please, follow me. Ben, this is our last chance. DON'T ruin this for us. Ok. My name is Bill… Tedderson. Um. And welcome to my humble laboratory. This is the Paranormal Specimens Room. GASP! This is the Dinosaurs, Laser Weapons and Explosions Room. GASP! This is the Secret To Everlasting Happiness And Fulfilment Room! GASP! And that concludes the list of rooms you're not allowed to go in. You will be working in here. Huh. Apparantly Dave has a nine-inch duck, and he wants me to call him! Get back to work Ben. Urgh, but I'm bored! We need this job. But I'm a film-maker! Not today you're not. Right. Ben? Ok, so for this scene, you're playing a nine-inch duck. Ben! No! You're not losing us another job over your stupid hobby! But.
.. I'm a film-maker. You're not a film-maker Ben! You're just a TROUBLE-MAKER! You don't care about anyone but yourself and your worthless movies! I'm- I'm sorry. Ben. Wait. AAAAAARGH Sigh, I just wanna make films with my friends. Is that really selfish? Yes. Oh. Sigh, I remember when I was your age. So blinded by ambition that I never stopped to think how it affected my friends. Until they were gone. Cherish these moments Ben. They may not last forever. Hey. Yeah? Uh, why the eye-thing? Laser Eye surgery. Oh. Now go be a better friend. Hey Lucy, I- BEN! THE CAMERA SOMEHOW TURNED INTO AN EVIL MONSTER! HEEEELP! Aww, but I was gonna talk about my feelings. BEN HELP ME RIGHT HUGGING NOW! Ok. Kate! Yo. Hand me a super cool weapon! Lights! Camera! ACTION! I can't do it! BEEEEEN! I'm a film-maker! You're NOT a film-maker! Hehe, wow, this is great footage! You don't care about anyone but yourself! Hello, this is Dave. I've got a nine-inch duck.
If you wanna meet him, leave a message after the quack. (Quack) CUT! SMASH CUT! JUMP CUT! Thanks for choosing me over the camera Ben. Kinda weird that you struggled with that decision but thanks. Hey, I'm just doing my job. That doesn't make sense. Urgh, I hate sequels. Heh, time to clean this up! And I'm here too! How'd you do that? Laser Eye surgery. Oooooh! Well Ben, you really did it. Yeah, I learned the power of friendship. No I mean you really destroyed my lab. Oh. You're fired. YOU CAN'T FIRE US! WE QUIT! Well, we're still broke, but at least Bill fixed the camera. In exchange for us mentioning or going here him ever again ever. He used gun parts to replace the broken bits. And now, it's illegal in 98 counties! Gasp! Just like me! Yeah, it's cool but, I think I'm going to give up film-making. WHAT?! You were right Lucy.
I'm not a film-maker. It's time I grew up and got a real job. Like what? I'm gonna be a male escort! Err, do you know what that is? It's a type of postman! Right? Ben, you don't have to do this. No I do. I realised if there's one thing I cared more than my hobby, it's your company. Wait. My company? Ben! I know how to solve our job problem! You're going to be a male escort too? Yea-no. No. Look if I really am the only person you'll put before yourself maybe I should be your boss! Ben! Let's start a film company! Right. Hugging. NOW. Ok! But what are you gonna call it? I dunno, something fun but action-y, like Cake Bomb or Turbo Punch or Crash Zoom. But less dumb. Ben? Yes boss? Let's get to work! YEEEEAH! Lucy? Yeah Ben? I can't move. Neither can I. Guys, I think it's the skull! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (Song: Credits theme) Hahahaha Bark. Bark.
Master I am hungry. Feed me. Please feed me. Bark. Bark. Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a.